To be Addicted
by Bakuten - Genocide Angel
Summary: What happens when two junkies team up? Will they be able to save each other? (Will be adding more) M!SS x Cait
1. Combat Zone

**Spoiler warning: This is the entire quest to find Cait in Fallout 4.**

 **I do not own Fallout or it's respective characters. They belong to Bethesda.**

 **I will be adding more, I just wanted the intro straight from the game.**

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The Combat Zone, huh? Doesn't sound like a bad place from what the Diamond City Security guard had mentioned in passing. I could blow off steam there and make a pretty penny while I'm at it. Do people in this era even use that phrase anymore? Make a pretty bottle cap. No, that doesn't sound right.

It looks like the raiders had already rolled out the welcome mat. I sneak out from around the corner, careful to remain in the shadows. They even have lights strung up. How quaint.

"Who's there?"

I pause and hold my breath for a brief moment and watch as the raiders canvas the area. When they relax, I check my scope to do my own assessment. I count maybe five raiders in total. Easy pickings.

I take cover behind an old bus stop and steady my breathing before plucking them off one by one.

"Disappearing act, huh?" A girl asks the chilly night air as she disappears around the corner.

 _'_ _I haven't moved, darling,'_ I think to myself as I let the sniper rifle hang around my back before I run out and take a hard turn around the corner with my trusted shotgun in hand.

She rounds on me, startled, "why do they always have to fight back?"

I smirk. She only has a machete but she charges for me anyway. There's a guttural that emerges from her as I blast a hole through her abdomen. She hits the ground quickly with a hard thud as the machete skids away from her.

I lightly step over her body without looking at her and check the sign out front. There's rules scrawled out on a black board next to a trash can fire. Raiders follow rules? I give a deep throaty laugh. It looks like a child wrote this.

 **Tommy's rule # 1**

 **No fighting outside the cage!**

 **Tommy's rule # 2**

 **No caps? No entry!**

 **Tommy's rule # 3**

 **No loitering or begging!**

 **Rule breakers will be shot or worse**

I let myself in through the front doors to a ruined foyer. Raiders really don't keep after themselves. But why should they in a place like this?

The rules are rewritten on a board in front of the entrance with a sign saying 'Combat Zone This Way.' To my left are two raiders bound behind a locked door with a large sign stating that these are rule breakers. Humiliation, to some, can be worse. Emotional scars are much harder to heal than physical scars.

I feel the band around the finger on my left hand and look away from the raiders chained to the platform. I can't think about the past anymore. This is a different world.

I open the doors to the next area and my nostrils are invaded by the scent of meat cooking over a fire to my left. I stand back and listen to the cheering of the crowd, raiders whistling and shouting approval for whoever is in the cage below.

"At least look like you're trying!" A woman yells out, exasperated.

"Smash him!" A man yells as I take a look around the area where they've built shacks and shops around the seating area. It's just me back here and so far they haven't even noticed me walk in. They're all too distracted by the show upfront.

"Smash all his bones!" I hear the same woman shout as I take a look at the two sparing in the cage. They're not cheering on their comrade who seems to be getting his ass kicked by the woman he's been matched with.

I continue to watch for a moment longer, admiring her skills although I'm though I'm sure she's strung up on something from her movements. I fish around in my pockets for a PsychoBuff and clutch it in my fist, ready for a good fight myself.

"Smash her!" a man growls.

I take the platform up to my right as the announcer says over the intercom, "and that concludes this round. Cait is the undisputed winner!" I wonder if that's Tommy.

Cait, huh? I make my way to the top where a raider is sitting in a chair. I catch a glimpse of Cait as I come to stand beside him and feel a strange ping in the pit of my stomach. She's standing at the front of the cage under a spotlight, her opponent knocked out on the floor in the center. I missed the knockout blow.

"What the…." The raider cheering to my side stops and I instinctively tense up, ready to fight. "He ain't supposed to be in here! Rip 'em to shreds!"

"Shit shit shit," I hear someone below shouting and see a man in a suit sprinting for the cage.

"Who's there?" A raider asks in the distance as I duck behind a counter. My heart is beating steadily and calmness washes over. I inject myself with the PsychoBuff and shake my head irritably.

"Fucking kill!" I shout as a primal rage pulses through me and I jump out from behind the counter, shotgun in hand, ready for anything.

"What?" A woman shouts as I knock the butt of my shotgun across the head of the raider who had been sitting beside me only moments ago. He falls to the ground with a loud crunch.

"Oh hell no!" Another guy shouts as I run across the platforms, shooting down anyone in my way.

A Molotov whizzes by head and shatters behind me, setting the counter ablaze as I continue to charge forward with the heat building behind me. It fizzles out moments later.

The ones who aren't busy trying to shoot me down are running at me with tire irons and machetes. At least four come my way believing in the power of numbers.

I don't think anyone ever told them not to bring a knife to a gun fight. I shoot the first one down and kick his corpse off the platform as another slams me across my jaw. I hear a crack before shaking it off, spitting out blood, and laughing.

"I've done this hundreds of times. Think you'll be any different?" she shouts angrily before raising her bat in the air, ready to take another swing. Her body hits the ground before she can even start begin to swing it back around. I step through the small puddle of blood forming around her and start to get twitchy.

I plow through the rest of them, all ducking behind makeshift fences or seats now. These must be the easiest bunch of raiders I've ever gone through. I duck out behind a counter near the front and reload.

There's a moment of silence as the dust settles and I'm breathing heatedly and shaking from the action. Or maybe it's from the PsychoBuff.

"Do you think they're done out there?" I hear someone say and I turn around quickly, gun up, ready to fire.

"We don't want any trouble," he shouts as I look around and see the man still crouching down in the cage. "Not anymore at least," the ghoul adds as an afterthought as I peak around to see him still kneeling in the cage.

"Oh just peek your head up," Cait sneers as she stands up, "ya damn coward."

"To heck with that," the ghoul says in response, "I'm too pretty to go out like this."

I laugh to myself as I holster the shogun. The welcoming party could have gone better but I just might like these people, if they aren't enemies. The ghoul looks around while still kneeling before shouting, "hey, you all done killing each other?"

I remain silent while still watching them through a crack in the makeshift wall.

"Look, whoever's out there, we were rooting for you the whole time," the ghoul shouts. There's fear in his voice though he does well to mask it.

With a sigh, I stand up and walk out to the center walkway to stand between the rows of seat.

"Look, why don't you come over here and show us you don't mean no harm," the ghoul says as I cross my arms. We size each other up. He's still crouching on the blood spattered floor.

"So," he starts carefully, "you wanna talk this out like civilized folk? Or you just gonna bash up my theater some more?"

My shoulders shake in silent laughter. Me? He should keep his dogs on a leash if he wants his theater to remain in one piece. With a shake of my head I cautiously step down and make my way around to the cage entrance. He looks at me as I walk slowly toward him with my hand still on my shotgun.

"You finished tearin' the place up now?" He asks and I give a noncommittal shrug. "Well, that could've gone worse," he sighs as he stands up and brushes off his suit.

Cait rolls her eyes but gives a hearty chuckle. "Heh heh, I dunno. Seemed quite the performance from where I was standin'," she says with what sounds like a thick Irish accent.

She's a little beat up and there's a familiar look to her eyes that I recognize as someone with a drug habit. Behind the bruising though, she's got to be the one the prettiest woman I've seen in the Commonwealth so far.

"Are you fucking high or something?" He asks before shaking his head. "Why am I asking, of course you are."

"Was still winning the fight, wasn't I?" She argues defensively.

I shift back to lean on one leg and continue to listen to them bicker. They must have been working together for quite a while.

"You're strung out and getting sloppy is what you are," he says wearily.

I know the feeling. I don't usually bring anyone with me on my quest to avenge my wife. I would never forgive myself if my habits got someone else killed. I feel the cool metal of my wedding band around my finger with thumb and twirl it around my finger.

"Course, I suppose you ain't got to worry about that now. Seems this one just put us out of business," I look up after noticing he's addressing me now. I open my mouth to argue but he continues, "I'm not sure if I should kiss you or have my little bird here feed you your own entrails."

 _'_ _I'd like to see her try,'_ I think to myself as I clench my jaw. There's a sharp pain at my lower jaw and I feel with my tongue for where I'd been hit to find a broken tooth.

"I told you to quit callin' me that!" She shouts angrily.

"What is this place?" I ask to change the subject and stop their bickering as he begins to explain.

"Not from around here, huh? This is the Combat Zone. Finest arena in the Commonwealth. Cait here's the headliner. Hundred plus matches, undefeated."

I tune back out of the conversation, still nodding at the right moments, and take another look at her. She seems fit enough to keep up with a bunch of raiders but it's hard to believe a junkie could go undefeated; if I'm to believe what this ghoul says.

"…and put us out of business, that is," I catch the end of his sentence and have to look away from Cait and back at his mug so she doesn't catch me staring.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

I'm only half listening to him now. I think the drugs are wearing off. I've been addicted since I found out how to mix the drugs together. It makes my head swim but it keeps me from overthinking.

I try to stay focused on the conversation. At least Cait's voice is something to remain focused on, "to hell with 'em. More'll come. Just need a quick breather and I'll be ready to go."

I exhale. I feel the same way right now.

"A breather? What?" The ghoul asks in disbelief. "So you can slam more of that junk in to your arm? No, no," he pauses and shakes his head. "You know what? I think this was a blessing in disguise." He turns his attention back to me and says, "you caught the end of that bout. What'd ya think of Cait's work?"

"She's clearly," I pause as my head swims, "talented," I add in a tone that would suggest otherwise. I didn't actually see much of her fight. But how can I judge someone who is probably as much of a head case and junkie as I am? I saw the aftermath and the guy is still lying on the floor. He's probably dead.

"See. Least someone knows skill when they see it," she boosts, not having caught my tone.

"It ain't your fightin' skills I'm concerned with," the ghoul grumbles before turning back to me. "So here's my predicament. I suddenly got no audience. No audience means I got no caps coming in."

 _'_ _Doesn't sound like my problem,"_ I think as he looks at Cait and frowns.

"And if you ain't bringing in caps, little bird, you ain't an asset. You're a liability. To me…" he pauses thoughtfully, "and to yourself."

A flash of disappointment crosses her face as she looks away. He nods and says to me in offering, "so…here's what I'm thinkin'. What say I let you take over her contract? She goes with you, watches your back…" she perks back up at this but looks slighted. "…look, you'd be doin' me a favor while I try to get the place back in order. What do ya say?"

"Me? And him?" She says as if this would be the worst thing to happen to her. I'm slightly offended.

"Why would you want her to go with me?" I ask, reflecting her offense. It isn't exactly my fault she's out of a job. I mean, shit, she's a junkie too. How is she going to watch my back?

"Yeah, Tommy? Just why the hell you tryin' to get rid of me?" She asks, angered and hurt.

"Maybe I just think you deserve some time off," he answers in a tired voice as he turns away. "Maybe I like this one's face. I don't know. I usually got a good sense about this sorta thing." He sounds tired, like he wants this night to be over with. Maybe he's the one who's high. But then again, I'm the one wearing shades indoors so how could he see just how bloodshot my eyes are?

"So what do you say?" He asks me.

I shake my head and give it some thought. I guess it is my fault she's out of job. I mean, I did just obliterate her clientele. "Sure," I answer, "I could use someone watching my back." I look to Cait and she's glaring at me now. I'm not sure if she's angrier at Tommy or at me.

"Good," he says with finality, "it's settled then. And here. Take this," he says and hands me a small sack, "it's the purse from the last fight. Exterminator's fee."

"Now just wait a sec," she says gruffly, "what exactly are you gonna do without me here?"

"You don't need to worry about me," he replies sadly, "I'll get this place set up right, maybe find a less blood soaked clientele. Now get the hell out of here." He tries not to sound broken up as he adds, "you ain't welcome here anymore, little bird."

"You're a real son of a bitch, you know that, Tommy?" She spits bitterly but even with my head swimming, I know she's hurt.

"You don't have to tell me," Tommy chuckles but doesn't smile. He just walks away as Cait stares at the floor, her brows knit together in thought.

"I guess you just come find me when you want to head out," she adds flatly before she walks away. She exits the cage and I linger for a moment, watching her leave to take a seat at a counter.

When I make my way up and take a seat beside her, she's gulping down a warm bottle of whiskey. "Cait," I say carefully to get her attention.

She turns to me. "So, you ready to head out?" She asks, trying to sound happier than she is.

"That depends," I shrug, "how're you feeling?"

"I dunno," she replies with a shake of her head. "Feelin' kinda useless sittin' here with me thumb up me arse," she says bitterly as she sets the bottle down then looks away. "So, are you ready to get this show on the road?" She asks without looking back at me.

"Ready," I say grimly as she stands up and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

"About time I got out of this place," she says, sounding like she's starting to accept the idea. "Let's go."


	2. Swan's Pond

**So here's the next chapter. Feel free to boo me off stage if you don't like it. Or, ya know, leave a comment if you do like it. Either way, it'd be nice to know if I should continue or just quit.**

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I'm not so sure about this companionship with Cait. Although we've only been traveling together briefly, I'm not entirely sure what she thinks of me yet. She's been distant but I don't blame her. She was basically sold to me so it's not like we met on the best of terms.

She's had her moments but most of the time, I'm pretty sure she's not even here with me. It worries me. Not just because she's supposed to be watching my back, but because I am starting to care for her.

It's strange to see someone else addicted though. It's like looking in a mirror. I've been trying to wean myself off the stuff since she's started tagging along but it's much harder when you're traveling with someone who does it too.

I think she thinks she's being sneaky, doing it behind my back. I notice when she walks away and disappears for a few minutes to an hour or so. I'd like to ask her to stop but I'm in no place myself to ask that. Why would she stop for me anyway?

I'd been awake most of the night, listening to her stirring and talking in her sleep. I'd move closer to her when she'd start trashing around just to hold her hand. It seems to be enough for her to stop. I shouldn't think of my own wife whenever I'm holding Cait's hand, but I do. Self-pity is a terrible thing. I'm always careful to try not to wake her whenever I move closer. I just want her to that someone is here for her.

Maybe that's what I need as well.

I give a rough sigh as the dust in front me stirs. I sit up on the dirty mattress I'd been sleeping on to find her lying in the bed just staring through a hole in the ceiling of the shack we'd cleared last night. I hold my breath for a moment and when she blinks, I exhale in relief.

The thing about junkies is that they can go at any time. I wake up periodically just to check on her. I started doing it a few days after she'd joined me. I worry. I can't have her death on my conscious. She doesn't seem to have caught on yet.

I clear my throat in an obvious enough manner to get her attention and she stirs with a small groan. She turns her head and sits up, holding her head between her knees as she sits still.

"Ready to go?" I ask as I check my supplies. There's a few psychos missing and I wonder if I should say anything. I chew my lip and opt not to bring it up right now.

"Just a moment," she shakes before leaning back against the wall.

"Don't be too long," I say as I gather my things and step outside to give a bit of privacy to pull herself together. I've been there many times before. I know how it is.

The sun is a warm welcome as I stretch and a shiver ripples through my body. I've been biding my time since Cait joined me, avoiding any conversations about my son and wife. I've put finding him on hold just so I can figure her out. She needs to know if she can trust just as much as I need to know I can trust her. So far, she's been a great help for breaking in to things that are otherwise out of my skill range.

"Alright," Cait says from behind me as she leans against the doorframe and squints in the sunlight. "Ready."

"There's a place not far from here I want to check out," I tell her in passing as she steps out.

She doesn't say anything but she follows me anyway. Both of us are carrying shotguns in a low-ready position in case of a surprise attack. You just never know these days. Just the other day we ran in to a woman outside of a rundown store begging for help. Even though it sounded like a trap, we went along anyway. It was a trap. That's what I get for being trying to help.

We make our way through the streets, checking around every corner until we make it to a small park with a broken gazebo and pond. I've heard rumors about this place from my travels but never bothered to investigate. If it's true, I wouldn't want to fight whatever is rumored to be here alone anyway.

"Hey, Cait," I say as she turns to me. We're standing by an old bus now. "Wait here," I order as she replies with, "you've got it."

Should I be leaving her alone right now?

I step around the gates carefully with the shotgun aimed and ready at the pond. There's something in it partially submerged in the murky water. Well, that doesn't seem very big or harmful. I crouch behind a statue of what looks to be a man in colonial garb and toss out a grenade before ducking completely behind it to avoid shrapnel.

I plug my ears and it goes off, sending splintered pieces of a swan rowboat flying by me. Good thing I'd duck behind this statue. The grenade is followed by the sound of a large splash in the water and the loud deep roar of a super mutant. I peak around the corner at the large monster that people seem to have named Swan.

The hulking creature already knows I'm here and is charging for me as I dart out and start sprinting for the bus screaming, "fuuuuccckkk!"

"What the hell is that?" Cait shouts as she starts firing while making her way back to the bus. She gets slammed by a boulder and gets knocked down right in front of the bus steps.

I leap in, narrowly missing being grazed by another giant boulder the beast had thrown. It slams against the bus and leaves a large dent in the side. Once I'm inside, the creature seems to just stand there, ignoring Cait. I take the chance to pull her inside and administer a stimpak to her and I notice fresh holes in her arm. She thanks me and gets further back against the bus wall.

Swan pushes against the bus a few times, rocking it, but can't seem to grasp the concept of how to get to us. Super mutants really aren't known for their intelligence.

Swan is taking every bullet as if it were nothing. He paces back and forth a bit outside while occasionally throwing a boulder that sets us off balance. Man, he is ugly. I pause for a moment to have a sip of Whiskey since he doesn't seem to be going anywhere and he has us cornered in this bus. It's warm but refreshing.

"I hope you're going to be sharing that!" Cait yells over the deafening hail of gun fire so I toss her the bottle.

It takes a few minutes but Swan finally falls as the ground shakes beneath him. Cait and I look at each other before I carefully step back out of the bus with her close behind. I poke him with the searing red barrel end of my shotgun. He doesn't move. Yup, he's definitely dead.

"Ya know, nobody is ever goin' believe we took this thing out," she says coolly as she lays her boot against its side.

"Yeah, probably," I shrug before kneeling down by its face. I can't say I've seen a more gruesome face around the Commonwealth. And that's saying something.

I look up Cait. She seems to thinking about something as she stares hard at the swan wrapped around the super mutant's shoulders. I stand up and watch her for a moment, contemplating on whether I should say something.

"Hey," I say to snap her out of her thoughts, wondering if hers are as nightmarish as mine.

"I'd really like to talk to you," she says.

"Of course," I say, taken aback, "anything you need."

"Anythin' I need, huh?" She laughs and I find myself wondering what she's on now. "I might take you up on that one day."

I chuckle and stand up, taking what I can get out this girl. This side of Cait is a surprise but welcoming. I don't say anything in case whatever I say might be the wrong thing and cause her to shut back down.

"After Tommy stuck me with you, I was expectin' to hate your guts," she laughs, almost jokingly, "not only because you agreed to pick up me contract, but because I was waitin' for you to order me around like hired help. Now so far, you've been treatin' me like a friend. Hell, you've been damn near NICE to me."

I open my mouth to interject and she raises her hand to stop me. "Now I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but your kindness is startin' to make me wonder."

She pauses and I tilt my head questioningly. She averts her eyes to look at the ground.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you checkin' up on me when you think I'm sleepin'," she says gravely but looks back up at me and smiles none the less.

"If there's anythin' I learned at the Combat Zone, it was that nobody does things for other people without expectin' somethin' in return," she swallows hard and looks back down.

"And what exactly do you think I'm expecting in return?" I ask while crossing my arms. She kicks at the ground then shakes her head.

"Who knows? Doin' your laundry, takin' a bullet for you, haulin' your gear…" she says.

"Well, you just took a boulder to the shoulder…" I add unhelpfully.

"What's the difference?" There's a bitter tone to her voice that I try not to take too personally.

"Cait, I-" I start, wanting to diffuse this.

"I don't think I'm getting through to you," she interrupts and starts over, "let me explain what I mean, and then maybe you'll understand where I'm comin' from."

She takes a deep breath before sitting down on the ground and crossing her legs. She lays her weapon down at her side. I take a glance at Swan to make sure it isn't about to wake up and then I follow suit, stepping closer to sit in front of Cait. She plays with the weeds coming up through the cement then looks back up at me.

There's this look in her eye like she's debating on whether or not to continue. She's silently asking if she can in fact trust me so I give a small nod that she returns.

"I spent three years livin' at the Combat Zone. Smelled like puke and piss, but I called it home," she starts gravely. I have a feeling I'm not going to like what I hear so I avert my eyes to where her hands are pulling at weeds.

"I was makin' a few caps, had me own to sleep in and three hot meals a day," she's says this as if this wasn't the norm for people and I have to remind myself that it isn't. This isn't the same world I grew up in. Hers has been much harder than mine.

"Then the raiders took over the place. You know that lot…" she visibly shivers as she's speaking, "not exactly what you'd call 'the gentle type.' After they moved in, if you didn't keep lookin' over your shoulder, you were liable to get sucker punched and robbed…or worse," she adds quietly and I shudder. I can only imagine what she's been through. I can feel my blood boiling at the thought.

"Didn't take me long to learn that I had to put my hard-earned caps to good use. Buyin' friends was essential to makin' life easier,"

"Shit," I say before placing my face in hands. I exhale and brush my hair back. If this is difficult to hear, this must be much harder to tell. I put my hands back down and look her in her eyes. She's watching me, searching for something.

"So I guess I'm waitin' for you to hand me a bill, you know what I mean?" She smirks but keeps her eyes intently focused on me.

I shake my head. "Cait, you don't owe me a thing. I'd never-" I pause as a lump forms in my throat. She watches me and nods slowly before saying, "now I'm havin' a real hard time believin' that." I swallow roughly and tell myself that no matter what happens, I'm going to have her back.

"I know I've given you no reason to trust me," I start, carefully. I've never been great with words. "And you don't have to. Hell, you can walk away any time you want and I won't stop you. I won't go after you. I won't send anyone after you. But, I want you to stay. I won't sell you out. I won't send you away from me."

"Give me some time," she says quietly and I nod. It can't be easy for her to trust people. Hell, this seems like a pretty big accomplishment in itself. But I'll wait.

"I know I haven't been the best for company but I'll think of some way to repay you," she grins and maybe I'm imagining it and I'm sure I am, but that sounded almost flirtatious.

"Cait, you really don't-"

"Yes, I do," she states firmly and there's a steely determination in her eyes that I've got to admire.

"Ok," I say and flash a grin, "but it better be damn good if you're going to make me wait."

She smiles and rolls her eyes but she's started shaking again. Although I keep smiling, I wonder when she's going to sneak off for another hit. I stand up and take another look at Swan. Was it because of this that she decided to open up to me? It's so ugly that I shake my head and tell myself that she's had to have been considering it for a while now.

I take another look at her as I help her up, her hand slightly shaking in mine. I hold on it a bit longer than normal once she's up but she doesn't pull away. I look her in eyes and wonder what she's thinking. What's going on behind those eyes?

The shade reminds me of a jungle full of wild and fierce creatures like her. A forest I'm sure I could get lost in. One that's full of dangerous things that she's been left to navigate alone.


	3. Hangman's Alley

**I'm thinking I might update this on a weekly basis now. Here's the next chapter. Remember, if you like it, please drop a comment!**

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It's been a full month since Cait's joined me and she hasn't opened up much more beyond the moment we had at Swan's Pond. I can't say I'm too disappointed. Trust with anyone is a fickle thing, but I would've thought we'd have gotten a little further by now.

She's disappeared again, leaving me sitting here at my recently acquired settlement. Hangman's Alley isn't a bad place. Hell even the blood splatter left after clearing the place out adds a nice touch to it.

When Cait disappeared, I threw all the remaining raiders in to the fire. I don't I'll tell her where I got the meat from…

She'd called them, what was it, 'a bunch of knobs' before leaving in a hurry. Not entirely sure why she was in such a hurry to leave, but I stopped questioning what she does a while ago. Either way, she'd left me to clean up alone.

I don't know when she plans on returning. I rummage through my inventory to find a few chems missing, which is no longer a surprise. I pull out one of the jets I'd acquired after looting everything from the raider's corpses and turn it around in my hand. To think something so small, just an inhaler, could be so addicting.

I take a deep breath in as things begin to slow down. It's how I imagine wading through water would be like if you were submerged at the bottom with steel boots. I shut my eyes and swallow roughly as I ride the current.

Depression is a hard thing to struggle with but it's all I've known since waking up to find my wife dead and son missing. The thing is, I never knew what it was like before. I never knew how difficult just finding the strength to get up in the morning could be.

No one ever tells you that it feels like you're swimming in water, drowning and gasping for air, while watching everyone else still breathing.

If my wife and son are my reasons for taking chems, for wanting to forget, then I wonder what Cait's reasons are.

"Hey, that doesn't look half bad…" Cait says with a slight slur to her voice as she stumbles through the doorway, pulling it shut behind her as she stumbles down the steps to sit beside me.

"No," I say, taking a good look at her through the embers. "You look like you could use something to eat," I say before offering a mangled bit of meat that she slowly takes from me. At least, in my head everything is still going in slow motion.

"Thanks," she slurs as she eats quietly, gazing straight through the fire beneath the pot.

I can't eat. Instead, I twirl the ring around my finger, round and round, while likewise staring in to the burning flames. The meat smells alright but I can't even stomach it the thought of it right now.

"Hey," I hear Cait say in a distance and I blink away the foggy feeling before turning to look at her.

There's this look of concern on her face that hits me harder than I thought it could, coming from her. She seems to have come down off her own chem induced high. Maybe the meat really did help.

"Where are you?" She asks as I turn back to the fire and shake my head.

"I guess this should be a give and take relationship, huh?" I say, though my thoughts are still treading water. How can I expect her to trust me if I don't show her any?

"I can ask the same of you, most of the time," I comment, offhand. I shake my head again. It's not fair of me to judge her habit when I do the same. I look at her for a moment, lingering on the canopy hiding the feeling in her eyes before looking away to inhale another jet.

Eyes shut, it smells like shit. But it slows down my thoughts enough for me to grasp them. I exhale slowly before looking at the ring on my finger. _What would she think of me now?_

"There are whispers of you being from a vault. The only one to survive. Any o' that true?" She asks.

I nod my head, staring hard in to the fire. "Guess you never read that news article," I remark before continuing, "Yeah, Vault 111. I…" I gulp to keep everything from coming up. "Over 200yrs…I lost everything because of Vault-Tec."

Cait remains quiet. The story, the memory, tastes bitter in my mouth. She isn't looking at me and I'm grateful. I can feel a tear slowly trailing its way down my cheek that I brush away with the back of my hand.

I could really use another hit but I had just used the last of the jet and it would seem that the rest of the chems had grown legs and walked away.

"I lost my wife," I say coldly. "She was murdered right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it."

I decide to not mention my son. He's the only reason I'm still trying, still looking. I want so badly to cheat time and rebuild my family that he's the one thing I've been clinging to. If I stop believing that he is out there somewhere, then I'll lose myself. I'll lose my purpose.

Cait's quiet. Quieter than usual but I guess there's nothing to really say.

I almost submerge back in to my thoughts when she speaks up, "That's rough, Clyde." I never gave her my real name. What use is it in now in a world that bears no resemblance to what once was – to who I used to be. No, I'm that person anymore.

I told her my name was Clyde. You know, like Bonnie and Clyde? I thought it was clever.

"We've been on the road awhile. I think it's about time you knew a little bit about me," she offers, probably in fair trade to my small little offering in to my past.

"You really don't have to," I say gruffly. "You really don't know owe me anything."

"There you go, bein' nicer than I outta deserve," she says this like she's scolding me but doesn't seem to mean it. I shrug in response. "Despite all my crap, you've been stickin' by me. I really do appreciate it," she says calmly while rubbing her arm.

"I think it's time you knew a little about who you're travelin' with," she says, trying to sound cheerful.

"I guess it's about time we stop acting like strangers then," I say then slide carefully off the cinder block to sit on the ground. Maybe if I'm closer to the ground, the feeling of being on a rocking ship will lessen. "I've been wanting to know more about you," I breathe out then decide to just lay down beside her.

She looks over me and shakes her head as I gaze back up to watch her.

"You're sayin' that now but I'll bet you'll be regrettin' wantin' to know when I finish tellin' me story," she says before placing her hand against my forehead. "You knob, you're burnin' up," she growls before putting my head on her lap and dampening a cloth to put on my forehead.

"I doubt you're even really here yourself," she comments.

"I'm listening. Go on," I mumble and shut my eyes.

I keep them shut. She begins to talk about her parents and childhood. There's such a malice in her voice that I can't bring myself to open my eyes to look at her. Abused all her life by everyone she's ever known.

I want to vomit. How a parent could do such a thing to their child, their own flesh and blood, I can never imagine. I love my son and he doesn't even know who I am.

Her hatred of raiders makes sense as she goes on to explain her five years as a slave. She was just their toy. Their god damn play thing. For God's sake, how can anyone be so greedy that they'd sell out their own flesh and blood?

The thought of what they must have done to her, for five years, is sickening. I abruptly sit up and turn to the fire, throwing up mostly water since I haven't eaten. I lay back down as she wipes the corners of my mouth with a cloth.

No wonder she's the way she is. No wonder she fights, steals, and is so mistrustful of everyone. I'm glad her parents got what they'd deserved in the end but she should have never had to have gone through that.

"You look like shite," she says as I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can.

Could I ever do that to Shaun? Even in this world, could I ever be so heartless? I had wanted Shaun. My wife and I had planned him. We loved him. I still do. I'm looking for him.

"You weren't a mistake," I cough out then sit up with my back to her. The cloth slides back off my forehead and lands with soft plop in the dirt in front of me.

"You think I inject myself with all that shite because I enjoy it?" She whispers. "It's rippin' me the fuck apart."

"Cait," I turn my head but don't turn around. I'm not sure I can look her in the eye right now.

I'm afraid of what I might see in them. How could her parents not love her? She hardly even knows me but she's been looking after me just as much as I've been looking after her. Shit, even I love her.

I _love_ her. Shit.

I stand up and kick over the pot that's been cooking over the fire. The contents spill out across the floor. There's this primal need to protect her welling inside me and the need to strangle anyone who's ever laid a hand on the woman sitting beside me makes me feel savage.

I'm breathing heavily and shaking with rage. My knuckles are turning while as I stand over the fire with tight clenched fists. I stare at the scattered pieces of meat ripped from the raiders we had taken down; slightly burnt and inedible now that I've kicked it over. I am definitely never going to mention that I had just cooked them and fed them to her.

"I just want to forget and move on with my miserable life," she says guiltily as she watches me, sounding as if she'd just placed a great burden on my shoulders.

I kick at the pot again and it bounces away in to the shadows. She reaches for a bottle of vodka that had been placed back beside the steps while adding, "so there you are. The entire flawed package known as Cait. Stripped bare for your perusal." She takes downs half the bottle before I calm down enough to sit back down beside her.

"I do this because me mind starts wanderin' and I start judgin' myself," she says to the bottle as she holds in front of her mouth, ready to take another drink.

Does she expect me to judge her for any of that? She's done what she's had to do to survive. Survive. That's all we're doing. There used to be a time when we didn't have to just survive. We could live, truly live. I want to get back to that.

And what have I been doing instead? Shooting up chems and running away. I'm running away from the past, the memories, in hopes of finding a better future. And I've been a pretty lousy job at finding it.

I look back at up at Cait, at the fire burning through the forests of her eyes, and wonder if we were meant to meet each other. Is there such thing as fate? Was I meant to be here just as much as she was? We are both, despite all being against us, still alive.

"I'm proud of you Cait," I say low enough that I don't think she's heard me but she looks up from the fire to look at me. "I'm done," I say firmly, "I won't, can't take anymore chems. If I'm going to be here for you, then I'm going to make the effort to really _be_ here. I promise I will be here for you, Cait."

"Oh, well, I-" she stutters before placing the bottle down.

"Nothing you can say can ever change that," I say before placing my hand over hers and I feel her grip the bottle tighter. I let go immediately and she stands up then steps back.

I went too far. Of course she wouldn't be used to this kind of attention or contact that isn't meant to be hurtful.

"Sorry," she stammers before taking another step back, "I didn't realize you cared that much about me."

I stand up, slowly and cautiously before holding both hands up like I'm dealing with a feral animal gone rabid. But it's just Cait.

"Here I thought I was bein' stupid, botherin' you with all me problems," she steps back again as I step forward.

I continue to approach her slowly and she stops stepping away. I get close enough to see that she's shaking then place my hands on her shoulders. She looks me in my eyes and I know she's scared. She crosses her arms in front of her; probably a habit she had to pick up with the raiders.

I take another step forward and wrap my arms around her. She doesn't resist or try to run but she doesn't open hers to wrap them around me. I just hold her as she presses her forehead into my chest. Her shaking gradually stops.

"It feels good to know that if I need you, you'll be there for me," she mumbles into my chest.

"I haven't lost faith in you," I reassure her before holding on tighter.

I won't sell her out. I won't be like every person she's met before. I'd never be able to forgive myself. I need to get better if I'm going to help her.

But if I get clean, will I really be better? I just told her about my dead wife, one whom I still love, and she hasn't tried to leave yet. Will she leave when she finds out that I have a son? Will she feel like she would no longer belong with me once he comes back in to the picture?

I need to find him. But I can't risk exposing my son to a drug addict. I can't be that person anymore. I can only hope that Cait will give it up to.

I close my eyes and breathe. My body is already craving more chems and I'm not sure I have enough willpower to say no for too long.

"You're shakin', Clyde," Cait says as she pulls away, worried.

"It isn't Clyde," I reply hoarsely as she takes my arm and leads me back to the mattress in the shack.

"Why'd you lie to me and tell me it was?" She asks but doesn't angry.

She lowers me to the mattress and I lay out on my side, sweating despite how nice the night has been.

"You know, like Bonnie and Clyde?" I shiver. "I guess I just wanted us to be like them," I comment as she tilts her head.

"I don't know who you're talkin' about," she says confused.

It's not really hard to believe she wouldn't know who they are. This world is really going to take some getting used to. "Aiden," is the last thing I remember saying before everything had gone black.


	4. Publick Occurences

**No one important reminded me that I'd put this story on the back burner for too long. For anyone who is still following, I hope this next chapter makes up for that.**

* * *

"We need to get to Diamond City," I say over my shoulder as I pack up my items.

We've spent far too long in one place already and I have a bad feeling that the raiders have caught wind of us staying in Hangman's Alley. They have their own settlement not far from ours and even though I've been out of it for the past few days, Cait has been the one keeping her eyes on them.

"What do we need to go there for?" She asks while tapping her foot impatiently.

I've spent the last few days sleeping in fits caused by withdraw. I've had to put blind faith in to trusting Cait and the other settlers who have wandered our way to watching my back. I'm not fully recovered yet. I can't stop the shaking and mood swings but so far we are still alive. Despite Cait still seeming to be on something, I do have to give her credit where credit is due. She's kept the settlement running in my place and has at least made sure someone else has been posted at all hours.

"Weapons," I reply while tossing my bag securely around my back, "and armor."

"The hell do we need any more of that for?" She asks while kicking at the dirt.

It's not like I've ever made her carry anything that wasn't hers. I couldn't exactly trust her with more than the shotgun I had given her since she keeps raiding my supplies for chems. But I trust her now and I would like to see that she doesn't get in to any danger because of me.

"I don't," I huff out a hearty chuckle and flash a broad grin before holstering my shotgun. I take a few steps to close the distance between us before whispering, "you do."

All she's had since joining me is the clothes she had on when I took her on and the shotgun I had given her so she could watch her own back and mine. The temperature has been dropping for the past few nights. If she won't take any armor, we could at least use some coats.

She shakes her head but doesn't argue. I nod satisfactorily before going to check outside to make sure no enemies are coming. When I'm sure that the coast is clear, we make our way to Diamond City in an awkward silence. At least 'the green jewel' isn't far from us. It makes Hangman's Alley an ideal location for a settlement.

The silence hangs in the air like a bad odor. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to her. I've spent the last few days trying not to think about chems while Cait has basically been baby-sitting me. Where she's been or what she's been up to, I have no idea. A few of the other settlers had also taken to looking after me while Cait has been out but I can't sit still for too long without feeling useless to everyone.

For all I know, she regrets ever telling me anything personal and would rather forget the entire conversation we'd had.

We walk through the gate to Diamond City with no hindrance as I give a silent nod to Dan who is dutifully standing guard. I still remember running in to that reporter who had been locked out, out here. She was quiet unabashed about her feelings for Diamond City.

She eventually warmed up to me a little, but I haven't quiet placed my feelings for her yet. She's a bit of a wild card but she could be useful to me.

Shit. Speak of the devil.

"So, no one's managed to put you in the ground yet, Cait?" Piper asks as she comes out of her office. What great timing. What is it with these two?

"Not yet," Cait perks up, "though it isn't for lack of tryin'."

"Can we not do this today?" I interject while looking ahead to see what vendors are out today. Good, Arturo is out idly scrubbing his counter as usual.

Piper glares but Cait just puts on a mock innocent smile. "I've got some business to take care of," she comments, ready to leave now that Piper has invited herself in to the group.

"So, heading my way?" Piper directs her attention back to me and I shrug. "Great, let's go."

"You two have fun together, Piper," Cait chuckles off-handedly while walking away. "Too bad we can't make it a threesome."

"Never going to happen, Cait!" Piper quickly yells after her before shaking her head but I can see a hint of smile that she immediately drops when she catches me looking.

I sigh roughly before making my way over to Arturo. He's probably the only trader I like here in Diamond City since the woman seems to be off her rocker and thinks I'm a synth - whatever that is - and I'd rather not talk to a robot I can't haggle with. I also can't stand the small talk about baseball with Moe who was gullible enough to believe that the term 'spectator sport' came from his rather violent take of baseball where the teams would beat each other to death and then beat the fans. What a dumbass.

Arturo greets me with the usual friendly welcome, minus any banter, as I pick up some items for Cait. Piper seems to loom quietly in the background and I get the uneasy feeling that she wants something from me. I'd rather misdirect her attention elsewhere then have her question me or ask for any favors.

"What is it with you two anyway?" I ask in an attempt to redirect Piper's thoughts as I slide everything I've just bought in to my backpack and drop the caps on the counter.

I watch Arturo counts them, silently mouthing the numbers as he moves them into a pile. A scale would probably be a more effective way of adding up caps but I'm not going to comment on his business skills.

"Hm?" Piper asks, her attention focused on something on the other side of the market. "Cait?" She questions before turning back to face me. I nod and shake hands with Arturo, our bartering now concluded.

"Yeah, you and Cait. Why do you two always pick on each other?"

We start heading back to her office when she shrugs and takes a moment to mule over an answer." Oh, nothing," she replies lightly.

"You're lying," I declare as Piper tries to hide another grin.

"Come off it, Blue. Nothing ever happened between Cait and I," she smiles genuinely before turning to start walking backwards a few steps ahead of me.

She stops at her door and takes a moment to find the handle behind her before leaning back to push it open. She holds it open for me then shuts it behind her as she makes herself comfortable.

"You know I can just ask Cait, right?" I challenge her as she removes her hat and coat then throws it on the nearest filing cabinet.

"I'd rather not know what she thinks of me," she remarks with a shake of her head but she's still smiling.

"What makes you think I'd tell you?" I inquire as she leans back against her desk and nods in thought.

"Fair enough, Blue," she resigns and holds out her hands in mock defeat. "Ask away."

"That was rather easy," I remark as I make way to her desk chair and plop down in, kicking my feet up on her desk. "You take the piss out of interrogations, you know that?"

"I'd rather you hear it from me than from her," she replies and shakes her head before pushing my feet back off the desk. She takes a seat at the edge and rifles through some papers, not really looking for anything. I can picture the gears grinding in her head as she contemplates her answer, contorting her face with pensive look.

"So what happened?"

"It was such a long time ago, Blue," she answers with another shake of her head, still withholding any actual answers. I cross my arms and wait for her to answer as she tries to avoid making any direct eye contact. When she accidently looks up from the papers she's been straightening out, she lets out a sigh and abandons the pile.

"We had a thing for a while," she explains with a sheepish smile.

"I knew it," I exclaim with a hard slap against her desk that sends papers and photos fluttering to the floor. "Sorry," I say quickly before swooping down to pick them up but stop with my hand outstretched to a photo of a slightly younger Cait and Piper.

Piper beats me to the photo and gently lifts it from the floor before placing it and the stack of papers back on the table. Still frozen in place kneeling on her floor, the photo flashes across my mind and stays there like a haunting mirage. It looks like the photo had been taken at the Combat Zone.

"She wasn't always like this, you know?" Piper comments while gazing at the photo.

I stand back up and slowly take my seat again before grabbing the photo to examine it closer. Cait looks angry but there is an unmistakable hint of fear painted across her face. Even Tommy is in the photo, seemingly proud of his pit-fighter.

"When was this taken?" I ask before setting the photo back down. I'm not sure I can look at it anymore.

"I went there for the scoop on their new pit-fighter, Cait. She seemed to be getting an awful lot of attention, if you know what I mean," she says before picking up the photo and staring it. "Even then she was difficult to reach."

I lean back in the chair, cross my arms, and try to focus on only her while listening.

"She was great, even then," Piper whispers, more to herself to than me. "She fought like she had something to prove then. I could see it, Tommy could see it, and the Raiders played off of her fear."

Piper swallows hard before placing the photo back down. She gazes off in to the distance before continuing, "I only went to the Combat Zone for the latest scoop, to get my own name out there and be someone in Diamond City. I wanted to uncover the dirty secrets of the Combat Zone, but had ended up lost in Cait instead. I never wrote an article and I've always wondered if I had, would Cait have been saved from it?"

"It's not your fault that Cait has turned out the way she has," I try to reassure her.

"I know, Blue, it's just difficult," Piper acknowledges it then continues to explain, "I had a pretty good idea about what was going on there behind the scenes and I didn't try to stop it, Blue. I loved Cait but I didn't try to shut down the Combat Zone then. She didn't want me to. She said the pit was an honest way to earn some caps; she was good at it. But I had gone there with this idea that that wasn't all the raiders were doing there, Blue. Oh God, Blue, I thought I'd never see her come out of there when the rumors appeared to be true."

She hangs her head and hides her face in her hands in shame. I'm at a loss for words. I flip the photo over so I don't have to look at it. Trapped in that photo is a Cait, before the raiders ever took away who she was and molded her to something of their own likeness.

"No wonder she hates me," Piper whispers before dropping her hands back in her lap and turning away. "Years later when the rumors were confirmed to be true and that their star pit-fighter had become a chem addict; I couldn't bring myself to face her and go back there."

"The Combat Zone has been shut down," I state clearly enough to make sure she heard me.

"Yes, Blue," she replies then turns around with tears streaking down her face. "But it wasn't me; I didn't shut it down like I should have done years ago. You did."

I nod slowly as she wipes away her tears.

"Thank you, Blue," she smiles sadly, drying her eyes with her sleeve. "Maybe you can save her. Maybe I was never meant to."

We let the conversation hang in the air as we linger on our own thoughts before the silence is broken by the sound of light laughter. "If you tell anyone about this, I will hang you out to dry," Piper is grinning but her cheeks are still stained with tears.

I nod my head in acquiescence. Piper stands up and clears her throat to indicate that I should go. She holds the door open for me and I nod to her before taking my leave. The sound of her lock clicking in to place is followed.

It's strange to think that Cait and Piper had some sordid history together but their banter makes more sense now. I linger outside of Piper's office for a moment contemplating my next move before deciding that I will never ask Cait about that part of her past.

Would we have ever met if she had been anywhere else but the Combat Zone? I shake my head to clear my thoughts. She wouldn't want me grieving for her. I know she hates pity and this isn't something for me to feel guilty about. She's free now.

I should probably figure out where she's disappeared off to.


End file.
